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Cowabunga! It’s 1986, and four unlikely misfits have received mysterious invitations to join extravagantly wealthy oil baron MILLIE ONSTOSPEND for a cruise on her luxury yacht: deposed dictator of Greenland IVAN TORULEAGAIN, male model and bodacious beefcake HUGH GEEGO, cripplingly introverted inventor with a vendetta IDA ZERVBETTER, and our hero BELLE HOPPE under the identity of world-famous adventurer (and no-show) Nebraska Smith. Millie quickly announces that she will be stepping down as CEO of her oil company in order to pursue her long-time dream of becoming the next Queen of England. What’s more, she will be appointing one of her invitees as her successor! But some guests have greater ambitions: Ida and her faithful robot SHE-3PO aim to carry out a nefarious plot to capsize the ship. As stowaway KENT FINDMENOW knows, this cruise liner is full of secrets and Belle is finding it harder and harder to keep hers. Can our plucky protagonist step up and save the day, or will she be forced to keep her secret locked away with the rest of the ship’s cargo? Will Millie’s thankless assistant HOOVER WORKED ever catch a break, or at the very least take a chill pill? Will blundering Captain HANK ERSAWEIGH ever find the stowaway’s secret hiding spot? And when will the ship’s bartender, MAYA TAKEYOURORDER learn to see the bigger pitcher? Come find out at HPT 173: SHIP HAPPENS!

This year’s writers are Maureen Clare ’24 and Kalos Chu ’23.

Brought to you by our corporate sponsor, The COOP.